Recurring Resolution Syndrome

Happy
New Year, and in honor of the new year this month’s discussion is about
what I call Recurring Resolution Syndrome (RRS). To explain what RRS is
here’s a great example.

A few weeks ago I had a very interesting
conversation with a young man named Steven. Steven is 19 and works in
the private mail place I frequent. He lost his mom to cancer a few years
ago and lives with his brothers and dad. We’ve had some great
conversations. Since I’m old enough to be his mom, he seems to use me as
a “mom” type to talk with. That’s fine with me, as I can tell he has a
good work ethic and a solid character. I knew he smoked, could smell him
a mile away, but until this particular day we never talked about it.

Last week as I approached the store I saw Steven
taking a smoke break outside. As we walked in together I said, “What’s
with the smoking? You’re gonna stop eventually so why don’t you just do
it today?” What he told me is an example of RRS. He said, “It’s my new
year’s resolution EVERY year. I never stop, and it’s really hard because
my brothers and father all smoke too.” And Steven is not alone being
stuck in RRS. How many times have you done the same thing? I know I USED
to until I started thinking about what I’m sharing with you today.

I told Steven not to make stopping smoking his new
year’s resolution this year. He stopped what he was doing and looked at
me like I was crazy, but I could tell he knew I had said something
important. How could a smoker NOT make stopping smoking their
resolution? He was ready for more so I said, “All you’re doing is
setting yourself up to fail when you know you’re not ready to stop
altogether. You’re getting very good at that.” We laughed and then I
suggested that he set himself up for SUCCESS this year and we
brainstormed about some ideas. I’ll see Steven later today. I won’t
bring up the topic, but I’m betting he’s got some interesting stories to
share with me.

What to do instead of making resolutions? I like to
make what I prefer to call my “rules of engagement.” In other words,
what can I do in order to make progress towards the results I want. I
usually choose about 10 and each month or so I choose a focus. Nothing
is written in stone so I can adjust as my year moves along. Every result
can be broken down into steps to take or a behavioral change I need to
make. Stopping smoking for instance, is a rather large and in many ways
amorphous goal if you’re not willing to go cold turkey.  Even in
stopping cold turkey (can someone tell me what that expression
means!!??) there are still steps to take each and every day so you don’t
pick up that cigarette.

The popular resolution topics like have better
health, lose weight, make more money, and enjoy better relationships,
all happen step by step and one focus at a time. NO step is too small if
it’s a step in the right direction! The amazing thing about this
strategy is that there is a synergistic effect and behavioral changes
you make in the direction of a particular result often overlap and cause
better results in your life in general. In Steven’s case he decided to
not smoke during work hours. Instead of thinking, what’s the point–
that’s only 5 hours a day, he decided that it’s a step in the ultimate
direction. And I agree. It’ll help him feel like a success and feel
empowered.

When a client or student comes to me, it’s very
important for me to stay aware of these ideas because as their coach
it’s my job to get them the results they want. Helping them identify
these rules of engagement and creating a program for them that they’ll
actually engage in is one of the most exciting parts of my work. Here’s a
creative example of taking that first step toward a desired outcome.
It’s an unusual one but quite creative.

A career coach suggested to an unemployed friend of
mine that while she was home during the day doing her online job search,
she dress just like she would if she was at her ideal job workplace.
Smart, right? After all, before we go to work, whatever our work attire
is, we do get dressed for the job! Doing this helped my friend feel more
productive and engaged in her task. Each and every result can be broken
down into some very doable steps, next actions, if you will, that are
much easier to focus on.

To bring this into focus for your joyinmovement
world, swimming a mile must start with the first lap, running a marathon
starts with putting your shoes on and getting out the door, and golfing
starts with time on the practice tee. It’s not complicated to break
desired results down and then step up to the plate when you know you’re
going for a base hit. It’s the pressure of hitting a home run that gets
you caught in the recurring resolution syndrome. Change can happen fast,
so it’s not about speed. It’s about identifying and engaging in the
actions you choose as your focuses.

I hope sharing my ideas about Recurring Resolution
Syndrome has been helpful. It’s much more fun to succeed and feel
joyinmovement when YOU’RE making the rules and getting results!

Until next month, best of health and may you muster
JOYinmovement,

shelli